just to tell u the untold ones..

Archive for March, 2015


Standing in a seat of fertility clinic rows. Waiting for a consultation turns. Again. Again. And again. I cant even remember how manytime ive spent my time in this condition. Many. Too many to count. Got 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy. Got a long distance marriage. and some more pitties..

Pity? Yess, Somepeople might think that im pity, and nobody wants to have this condition. Think thats right. Even my self, if i could choose or fix it now, i dont want to choose this kind of fate. But who we are? 

I keep telling on my self that it was me who picked this fate, far far away before i born. And since im realize that im not so stupid, i passed my almost all psycotest and academic test, i knew that i picked and agreed this kinda fate because there are many great reasons behind. Then i conclude that, theres always something sweet in the end, thats how this fate’s been written in my hand.

Ever since, i do live my life. I think alot more, write long more, smile often more, struggle alot more, gratefull lot more, love alot more, share alot more and many alot more again..

I do many alot more and live my life alot more, i won’t missed all the sweets along my life journey. Hopefully you’re not missed yours! 


Somebody said, Monday is the key of the week. and some other said, Lunch is the key of the rest day. For me, tuesday lunch is the key of the rest week!

Started by regular office lunch break and we decided to have lunch in a streetfood center near the office called, Goa! It is a place behind a broken wall which has a canopi from some plastic sheets, for me, the dark canopi ambience of this palce reminds me of Japanese Cave in a Merapi hiking track by Selo, a nice peace village in Central Java, Indonesia. Thats how i call this place as Goa, means cave.

Nice interesting conversation with some office mates and i chosed local fried chicken with extra sambal (local hot sauce). 

bla bla bla and smiles spread! i got my feelings at that time, before.. the ruiner comes! .. Mr. Plastic! Whatta perfect time!! *wooshhh* (for your information : i wrote about this guy in some post behind). He threw some hellos to us, small unnecessary (imho) jokes and sit beside us!

Then some how, i lost my feelings in a sudden. Lost appetite at the same time (i blame it on mas Iskak who said that i have an unhealthy menu for my lunch. o yess it is, actually!). and i just lost my temper. cant even got a little bow from my lips. I tried to blend to the conversation and i think i failed, at least i know that my smile words and everything didnt come from my heart. Somebody who look me in my eyes will find it definitely!

After i paid all my lunch charge, i decided to move to another table and open my CoC game! just to control my temper and distract my anger.

Anger??? yess, it was very clear, i still have it inside me. i hate my self for not forgive him, or just to pretend not to hate. at least.

Thats then, i realize that an ordinary lunch in tuesday may be the key of the rest weekday. Cause here i am, still wondering why i hurt this bad and why i cant, at least, just to pretend that everythings okay.

My note for you : Beware of you lunch! 😉


Obviousely i love red. 

But i love the yellow of hot sunlight, i love yellow chrysant, i love black suit, i love the dark of night, i love the green of grass and i love the blue of sky. 

I just oftenly seen in red 😉

As simple as silence

Sometimes, an old quote about silence is right. Yes, thats what i mean, silent is gold!

Silent speaks thousand languages, silent speaks louder, silent clears the mind, silent cures the pain, silent supports people to focused, silent even mends some broken hearted, silent pictures the life better. and so silent does manythings word cant do. 

Then sometimes, silent is the best part of a relationship. Since, theres always a war, even after a small chit chat in a bar.

-Welcome weekday, even i think its gonna be that grey. *deep breath*-


Wind, rain and storm,

Darkness, thunder and cold,

Obstacles, temptation and mourn,

then afterall, i just surrender..

and maybe, silent makes better,

hopefully, silent really makes better.

Kopi Sae, a boutique coffee

Good Morning Good Mind..

After got 3km walked in cloudy sunday morning, we were step by a small coffee boutique named Kopi Sae. This little store stands inside Pasar Modern Bintaro Jaya.

then they’ll introduce you some kind of indonesian coffees, just like picture belows : 

They only sells black coffee, and the only additives they have is milk, beside sugar of course.

This morning we choosed Milky Sidikalang Coffee for my husband and Black Mandailing Coffee free sugar for me. Both of Sidikalang and Mandailing are names of villages in North Sumatera where these kind of coffee’s been planted.  

Happy coffee sipping and Good morning Indonesia! 

People talk, keep on walk

Sebagai makhluk sosial, wajar lah ya kalau manusia punya rasa ga enak ga enakan. Mau begini eh ga enak ama temen sebelah, mau begitu eh takut diomongin ama yang itu, dan ga enakan ga enakan yg lainnya.

Bersyukur eyke punya sydrome hormon yg ga stabil yang membuat emosi eyke jabrik2, sehingga eyke terbiasa utk mendefinisikan dl jenis emosi yg biasanya melancarkan sudden attack-nya. Tiap bawaan emosi uda gigi satu mulu, eyke akan memilah apakah emosi eyke ini krn hormon atau karena emang lg ngadepin orang yg sengaja bikin salah..

Bahkan ketika ada orang yang bilang, “alhamdulillah, syukur ya aku ga kawin ama kamu, kan kamu lama nih susah punya anak begini.”. Kalo dibilangin gitu sih mostly orang sewot atau bahkan udah lah ya ga mah lagi kenal ama orang itu lah ya.. Eyke cuman nyengir dengan batin bilang, “anjritttt”. Im human however.. Tapi eyke tetep berusaha menguasai keadaan lalu jawab dengan tenangnya, “justru alhamdulillah Alloh masih melindungi aku dgn ga berjodoh ama kamu.. jadi temen aja ngomongnya gini, gimana coba kl jadi suami. mungkin imanmu blm nyampe makanya kita ga jodoh”. dan nginyem deh yg ngomong.. Padahal eyke dalem ati istighfar terus, ga juga ngerasa lebih baik dr dia sih.. buktinya istri doi dikasih gampang tuh hamilnya, brarti mungkin iman mereka lebih bagus makanya dpt titipan yaa. hihihiii..

Belum lagi ada yang ngatain eyke norak, dengan nada teriak, di depan banyak orang, di saat eyke nawarin pertolongan ke orang tersebut. Tepatnya dia bilang, “lu norak! gw gamau pinjem ama lu.” Dan doi bener2 ga mau sambut niatan baik eyke. Pun eyke rasanya keki abizzzzz. Dan eyke memutuskan untuk puterbalik, membatalkan niat nolongin dan kembali ama kerjaan eyke. Tepat disaat banyak orang bengong nunggu reaksi eyke. Eyke cuman mikir aja, kali eyke rada2 emosi dan ga trima d katain norak tuh krn hormon eyke lg jelek ya, dan kl eyke ngamukpun malah hasilnya akan memperparah hormon eyke. Eyke cuman denger doi bilang, “lagian lo bukan temen gw, si x yang temen gw”. and x answered, “gw juga ga mau kali temenan ama lo, minjem aja ama yg lain”.. dan abis itu semua percakapan mulai samar, agak2 sih suara eyke d sebut dan dipanggil dan x ngebelain gitu, tapi bener2 deh eyke uda sebodo teuing, karena eyke uda memutuskan buat fokus ama kerjaan eyke. Nginyem is the best policy after all. Dan doi skrg berusaha ramah baik ama eyke. Mungkin ga enak ati, atau lagi ada kepentingan? whatever, i just dont want to ruin my mood just cause of some small stuffs!

Beberapa kejadian lain serupa akhirnya melatih eyke untuk let them talk but im still walking on. Idep idep latihan buat tebelin kuping dan jaga ati.. Yang penting sih kita tetep jaga silaturahim ama temen2 dan sahabat2. Menebar kebaikan dan memastikan kita selalu punya niat baik. Tuhan sih ga tidur.. Transaksinya ama Tuhan ajah, kl ada bisik2 negatif sih kita ucap syukur aja. Syukur karena Alloh masih simpan aib kita yg menggunung dan mungkin secuilpun tidak sama dengan bisikan2 itu. 

Good Nite, hopefully we’ll have a great weekend.

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